mad miracles
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engracia
Shizumori Rin 静森・琳
an expert otaku
procrastinates on an hourly basis.
extremely boring and moody.
has dark and angsty thoughts about murdering the world.
lives, breathes, eats anything related to fashion.
music anchors her to sanity.
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Sunday, October 25, 2009, 12:25 AM
I can't believe this shit.
So,the principal decided to write a letter to my mom, about my absenteeism, disinterest in studies, and my health.'We would also like you to be aware that after this year, the college may not be able to render any further assistance to Si Lin, as she has not responded to our efforts to help her over these two years.'
Meaning, if I flunk my A Levels, nobody is going to give a bat shit about me. And oh, screw my testimonial and whatever, because I know for a fact that the college isn't pleased with me, and are probably not going to give me even a short paragraph.
'..[She] has not taken any initiative to approach [her teachers] for consultations.'
Right. Yes, I haven't really paid attention but I have approached my teachers for consultations. Am I so insignificant as to slip their minds? Oh right, yes. I am nothing but a useless slab of meat who happens to be using up oxygen in the atmosphere and taking up space, wasting resources.
I've seen the school counsellor, I've talked to my teacher, and I've even been to a psychologist.
But who can truly open up to some one you are not extremely close to?
Who would pour out heart and soul, at the risk of sounding like a whiny loser?
WHY ON EARTH WOULD I TELL MY TEACHER, MY SCHOOL COUNSELLOR THAT I FUCKING TRIED TO OD MYSELF BECAUSE I COULDN'T TAKE THE FUCKING STRESS?
WHY WOULD I ADMIT THAT I CUT MYSELF FOR THE ENDORPHIN RUSH, LIKE SOME DRUGGIE BECAUSE STUDYING HURTS ME SO MUCH?
I KNOW I AM STUPID, I AM INFERIOR, I DO NOT HAVE ANY TALENTS TO SPEAK OF, AND MY CHARACTER SUCKS THROUGH AND THROUGH.
I am really a loser, building up walls that only keep negativity in and fails to repel repugnant influences.
Well done, you have just won a one way ticket to Phailure.
Apparently, my stress just so happens to manifest as physical symptoms. How lucky is that? Oh wow, how interesting!
I don't know what to think any more. You can go ahead and judge me. I will care, I will get butthurt, but that's how the world is, isn't it. Nothing revolves around me.