the one and only ikan nilis

My desktop at work.

2010-02-01T21:23:00.001-08:00

Work has been brightened up.

2010-01-19T11:52:00.001-08:00

Erm. I really ought to update my blog, but you know. Twitter is mad convenient. Why spend so much time thinking out a long post that can be passed off as mildly interesting, when you can randomly shoot off your head and post whatever comes to your mind immediately, without taking heed to the possible repercussions? Yeah, no fight here. /sarcasm

Oh lol alright. Was just being pissy.
I've been on a Harry Potter craze lately, and now own the first four books. I'm adamantly resolving to buy the next book in the series ONLY when I've finished the one I'm currently reading. OOTP here I come! Wait for me~

On a side note, I'm re-fascinated by all the gyaru make-up, popteen, vivi etc. I need long hair! *pouts* Sadly, my favourite magazine (cawaii) has been discontinued. No idea why though. Probably poor readership? I like Natsuki (one of Cawaii's models) the most <3
Mmm apart from that I'm still mega fascinated with Gmarket. And Perfect Girl Evolution. That about sums up my latest fandoms. Gosh. Seems like I'm turning girly!

Also, before I forget,
WOOHOO I'M GOING TO MEET LAVI TMR!

2009-12-02T11:40:00.000-08:00

I hate being alone too. :/
*gloom*

D:

2009-11-24T19:35:00.001-08:00

Rageeeeeee!!!!
I was too slow! D: D: D:
Should have paid for it faster or commit myself faster. AHHH MY DARLING WIG!!!

2009-11-19T17:43:00.001-08:00

I've given up hope on studying to be an architect. There's a high chance I'll flunk a levels and there's no way I'm going to spend 1 year retaking it and 5 years in pursuit of a masters. D:
3 years for a diploma and I can start working, then see what I can do. Now that sounds much better.

2009-11-17T07:13:00.000-08:00

ooh, how interesting and informative.

om nom nom

2009-11-11T19:40:00.001-08:00

The bear happily noms on Lily Allen, who looks appropriately shocked. :D

2009-11-08T09:10:00.001-08:00

Panic.

Lol prom.

2009-11-07T18:52:00.001-08:00

Woots. Just found this while randomly clearing up my phone.

I was so skinny back then! And my face looks so so so much better. This was before my braces were put in, so my face actually looked a lot less angular. The chin looks rather sharp though. Can't remember if I went on a diet, haha. It's highly probable. This was in 2007!

Sigh. I looked so much better in the past. And more sighs. I haven't talked to the friends in this picture for the longest time ever. I fell out with one of them and made up again, another can't stand me and the feeling's mutual, the third.. I dunno. I guess we weren't that close to begin with.

And oh! I look so pale, like a vampire or something. Or maybe just anaemic. Lol. D:

2009-11-07T17:51:00.000-08:00

Eh~? Who's that?
*peers shyly*

Bear hug!

2009-11-06T23:11:00.000-08:00

This be what Takoko bought today.

HEY YOU OVER THERE

2009-11-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

I don't claim to be right. In fact, I am often misinformed, ignorant and what not.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that we can all stop being so self-absorbed.
You know, we all have problems of our own, be it family, work, school or friend - related problems. Even rich people have their own set of problems. Sure, they have material comfort, but the pressure to live up to expectations may be conversely related to their standard of living.
But I digress.

Honestly, I don't think that our own problems gives us the right to lash out at other people. Sure, your parents pissed you off, your boss is exploiting you, your school workload is shit, the call centre is acting like a diva on prozac, your pizza is topped with anchovies --- these are all things that affect our emotions. But does it really justify one's unfair treatment of another as a result? Of course I'm talking about a certain someone here. Why would I write this without a strong trigger?

Thing is, we know that you are stressed, and we know your temper, so we go out of our ways not to piss you off. Or maybe it's just me. Constantly tip-toeing around you is tiring. Have you thought of what we have done? Sure, you have great talents, great ambitions, and there's no denying that you will be recognised -- but your attitude will be a stumbling block. Of course, no one feels good when being undermined by a friend, but to lash out at all other friends as a result? Oh wow I'm so flattered you value me so highly as a friend then.

Tch.

(I realise that this post is passive-aggressive and not very objective, even though I initially wanted it to be a reflection of sorts. Of course my emotions got the better of me. And ironically, I come across as self-absorbed as well. ha. *laughs bitterly*)

2009-11-03T05:52:00.001-08:00

Recently, I realised I finally know how it feels to care deeply for a friend. It's a little hard to describe, but basically I feel happy when she's happy, when she's off on a fangirl high, and when she's troubled or whatever, I feel an urge to make those problems go away, and feel really protective. And often I feel a sense of righteous anger even when the problem does not directly involve me.
Haha, this is rather weird and fascinating at the same time. I guess a major reason why I haven't felt something like this before is because my close friends are rather..how should I say, restrained? For some reason, there was always a sense of having to keep our feelings in check. That is not to say that I don't love them, or enjoy their company. I guess this friend was the first one I truly opened up to, and showed all of my flaws, every single one of them, to. It's strange, considering that I've only known her for less than a year.
Haha, you know who you are. Thank God for you, even though I'm not particularly religious, and thank you for tolerating my flaws, and for making me realise that I have human emotions, even positive ones.
Now you know why Cheryl says I wasn't like that before you came haha. Ironically, perhaps you were the first one to be so real, despite the many personas (personae?) you take on. Haha.
Okay, let's end this mushy nonsense abruptly and go back to our work haha.

I can't believe this shit.

2009-10-25T00:25:00.000-07:00

So,the principal decided to write a letter to my mom, about my absenteeism, disinterest in studies, and my health.

'We would also like you to be aware that after this year, the college may not be able to render any further assistance to Si Lin, as she has not responded to our efforts to help her over these two years.'
Meaning, if I flunk my A Levels, nobody is going to give a bat shit about me. And oh, screw my testimonial and whatever, because I know for a fact that the college isn't pleased with me, and are probably not going to give me even a short paragraph.

'..[She] has not taken any initiative to approach [her teachers] for consultations.'
Right. Yes, I haven't really paid attention but I have approached my teachers for consultations. Am I so insignificant as to slip their minds? Oh right, yes. I am nothing but a useless slab of meat who happens to be using up oxygen in the atmosphere and taking up space, wasting resources.

I've seen the school counsellor, I've talked to my teacher, and I've even been to a psychologist.
But who can truly open up to some one you are not extremely close to?
Who would pour out heart and soul, at the risk of sounding like a whiny loser?
WHY ON EARTH WOULD I TELL MY TEACHER, MY SCHOOL COUNSELLOR THAT I FUCKING TRIED TO OD MYSELF BECAUSE I COULDN'T TAKE THE FUCKING STRESS?
WHY WOULD I ADMIT THAT I CUT MYSELF FOR THE ENDORPHIN RUSH, LIKE SOME DRUGGIE BECAUSE STUDYING HURTS ME SO MUCH?
I KNOW I AM STUPID, I AM INFERIOR, I DO NOT HAVE ANY TALENTS TO SPEAK OF, AND MY CHARACTER SUCKS THROUGH AND THROUGH.

I am really a loser, building up walls that only keep negativity in and fails to repel repugnant influences.

Well done, you have just won a one way ticket to Phailure.

Apparently, my stress just so happens to manifest as physical symptoms. How lucky is that? Oh wow, how interesting!

I don't know what to think any more. You can go ahead and judge me. I will care, I will get butthurt, but that's how the world is, isn't it. Nothing revolves around me.

2009-10-23T14:22:00.001-07:00

We'll sing and shout and rock the house down.

Baby, I hate to be bound by rules.

Break out of your chains!

Sex blood rock and roll!

ACHTUNG!

2009-10-20T09:21:00.000-07:00

HOT HOT HOT HOT.
I be having a fever now. For the second day. Sore throat seems to be improving though, so I suppose it's a sign of my body happily fighting germies. XD

AND SO.

Photo by Eriol.

Gino is German right? Right?
Wein is German for wine isn't it? *nods to self*
Haha, hence the title for this post.
lalalalala *bangs into wall*

Uh huh so this is a ranpical post to entertain whoever happens to be reading this.

UH OH.

2009-10-19T01:42:00.000-07:00

Die liao die liao.
I was randomly clicking the links on Kaen's blog and click until Ayano's blog, and saw that she's cos-ing the LNL with bandaged legs ver (useless ver, in her own words hahahah)
Die liao die liao.
I scared she'll think that I'm copying her.
So scared of potential drama and shitstorm (lolol because of ______ HURR)
But then again she probably knows that it was unintentional and I'm not trying to upstage anyone, haha.

yea I know, A levels more important. Anyway, nothing is set in stone yet, so gan cheong for what *scolds self*

2009-10-18T14:21:00.001-07:00

Lavi tasted salty.
And kanda has a sore throat from all the fun stuff he did.

And the above two sentences are not directly related.

OTL

2009-10-14T14:56:00.001-07:00

Well done, koko, well done.

I've never OTL-ed harder in my whole life.

I freaking fell asleep without doing my lit!!!!

Good game.

Have to go rush it somehow later.

OTL
OTL
OTL
OTL
OTL
OTL

Mega combo!

2009-10-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

난 정말 화가 나는군요.

2009-10-12T11:27:00.001-07:00

Ah ha ha.
Yes i'm serious about cosplaying LNL.
THAT version. Haven't seen it around before. Am apprehensive!

2009-10-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

Somehow, for a moment, I felt really protective.
Don't scare me again like that, baka usagi! D:

tch.

2009-10-11T10:26:00.000-07:00

Since I can't sleep, I might as well recount the epic happenings these few days.

Friday started out shitty because I had a fever, so I skipped school lol. Sad.
Anyway, by afternoon, it subsided enough for me to go to PS to meet melo~ bought our fake eyelashes and brushes for the shoot the next day. Kaen came after awhile <3
Ahem, I shall not attempt to recount the various ambiguous comments that were made because a) I cannot remember b) I can't make it sound sexciting c) kaen did an awesome job over at her blog. XD
Lenalee~~~ we are going to have a sexy lenalee~
So, kaen and I happily went back to the black order (aka her house). Hurr was too lazy to move my fat ass and decided to stay over XD hey I wanted to study one lor, I even brought my notes wor. Hahah ended up having epic msn convos, noobish attempts at playing audition, fangirling over everything in general, OTL-ing at the prospect of cosplaying a certain blue haired princess like pilot ahem, laughing at the venetian princess and treating gino's hair as a pet.
Was kept awake by my lovely uke, and we had fun almost till morning. 8Dv

Had an anya gino shoot on saturday. Melo and I prepped at the infamous park mall toilet with no ventilation at all and routinely scared little kids and their mothers OTL
I bet the security guards are used to seeing suspicious characters loitering in PM. =___=
After awhile, we shifted camp to the fort canning dance theatre toilet (yay ventilation) where it was all bright and relatively clean and gray~~~
Ah, face paint eats into the skin >_> pain pain. D: *says kiddishly*
was quite paiseh to make eriol (who came really early) and kei(spelling?) wait for so long. Hahahhahaha I only realised eriol was the epic milo guy when he demanded for milo upon spotting a vending machine, lmao. *facepalm*
Hmmm, don't think I did a good job as gino. Couldn't get into character as I was too self-conscious. :/ too many new people perhaps. Walau then kaen and that moster came, and anya and gino's efforts to remain IC kena destroyed. Well done hahaha. My braids win. 3 versus your pathetic paintbrush. Plus mine chioer and longer. *smug*
Kaen was *strike!*-ing behind the photogs lololol <3333 and Gay Paintbrush kept saying how I'm still short with platforms. :/ *thwacks* GO KNEEL ON THE WASHBOARD NOW. So somehow i'm his father. OTL and kaen is the mother <3 tyki and lavi had lavi as a lovechild, and it's all because of the noah's ark and rodo who screwed with lavi's mind and made lavi (jr) permanently retarded and all madness can be accounted for by the number 42.
Went over to the Singapore flyer to see ayu, hima and saku's shoot after that. Kaen couldn't go because she had to leave early.
Saku~~<3 that girl couldn't recognise me AGAIN, tsk. Anyway the ranka shots looked really really good! And saku was teaching hima how to dance, haha. Awaiting the pictures~! Didn't really see much of Sheryl Nome's shots as I was nua-ing with I dunno who.. Justice, poke, chunfeng and Moster I think. called kaen at some point to say rubbish and Hahahah declare my everlasting love wtf. And at some point I shouted 'windy is ignoring me!!!' and was immediately rebutted by the guy in question lol. Saku said kaen's moans sounded like... Hahahaha. Don't tell you. Hey hey this is a family-friendly blog suitable for all audiences lmao.

SUNDAY! Went to Bishan library to study with kaen but that plan quickly failed Hahaha, because I was too high post-photoshoot and everything we said was either ambiguous, hilarious, retarded, sarcastic or just plain WRONG. Kena con to go down to an epic lavi X deak shoot at the marina barrage *spams hearts for athen and holy* WHY ARE THEY SO HOT?! The feel was definitely there so don't worry about it! If what we saw in person was already that good (enough to make two very serious kids who were slightly frustrated at being slightly lost suddenly become ultra high and fangirly), I'm sure with ris, rescend and zee's imba photog skills, it'll be even better. <3
Kaen and I had fun being kids, playing with water and writing names on walls. And standing on coloured lights. And flashing two hot, red-haired guys. 8Dv
AHHHHHHH. XD
Anyway we realised that I got to know and insane number of people these few months. Haha it's really crazy XD

I WANNA COS MISAKI!!! AND I WANT A USUI~

2009-10-11T08:24:00.001-07:00

I wonder why I felt that way when you said you had other obligations.
Nah, it can't be.

Uh oh.

gin moh

2009-10-11T01:16:00.001-07:00

Gino is a camwhore.

2009-10-10T08:18:00.001-07:00

Today, I realised how difficult it is to ask photogs to shoot for you when you are neither imba good at cosplay, super popular or super good looking. While I understand that photogs have the right to reject requests, to base their decisions on popularity and reputation(ranking) of a cosplayer alone irks me slightly. It's not a personal attack, it's just what I feel.

8Dv

2009-10-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

*chomps angrily on wafers*
I AM NOT CHIBI!
Who did you refer to as a microscopic wee little mitochondria that can't even be seen with a microscope?!
Moster, prepare to die.

2009-10-08T11:24:00.001-07:00

All your base are belong to us.

Shermaine's going to say that that does not qualify as a blog post.
8Dv

bomb

2009-10-07T05:56:00.000-07:00

Hurr. Big bomb today. Beeeeg beeeeg bomb. For once, even my inner mind theatre was stunned into silence.

How could I be so blind?

Kaen, stop laughing la! *feeds you onions*

***
Every little thing you do or say affects me so much. I scrutinize the lines of the text you send me, go through possible interpretation, stress over the importance of each punctuation you use. Why?

2009-10-06T07:23:00.000-07:00

LUKI~~
I'M SO MADLY IN LOVE WITH MEGURINE LUKE! AND NO IT'S NOT A SPELLING ERROR~

HOMG~~~~
*note to self: Fangirls are useless and a waste of oxygen, because they hyperventilate. Even when your ship only has 3 months of oxygen left, they still continue to hyperventilate without thinking of the consequences.

and oh! Did anybody manage to watch the news today? Those imba Japanese scientists just came up with this realistic Miku robot. AND SHE WAS SINGING MELT.
Yea obviously I went crazy over her.

Oh ya, I finally realised how nice Megpoid's voice is. It's really really human, unlike the rest. It even pwns Gakupo on the 'how human does the Vocaloid sound' scale. Sorry Gakupo, you know I love you. Hey, someone should go update Megpoid's design! Ugly clothes.

Scream

2009-10-03T16:09:00.001-07:00

Those screams of agony, of pain, of despair, they reverberate in my head and consume my thoughts.
Ha, what I'll give to forget.
But alas, some things are just not meant to be forgotten; they always resurface in your darkest moments.

And you wonder why I can't sleep.

Just be friends.

2009-10-02T21:35:00.001-07:00

The bond between us has come apart and is dying away in everyday
Goodbye, my sweetheart, it's over
We have to leave without turning back.

late nights FTW

2009-09-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

because I can't sleep, I'm probably gonna read Econs later :3
I'm really excited about AFA, even though it will be right smack in the middle of my exams.

Thank you Jing, for lending me your Alto costume, even though you haven't met me before Yoshinoya day, haha. I know it's sometimes difficult to lend costumes to other cosplayers whom we don't know well, so your act of charity (LOL) really means a lot to me!

Melo, thanks for psycho-ing me to fall in love with Macross Frontier! It has made my gloomy days a little sunnier. I'm sure it will be fantastic cosplaying with you! AltoXRanka ftw prz! Haha, I keep thinking of Alto~ He's such a conflicted kid. Hmph, I'm slightly miffed at him being so indecisive, and hurting Ranka as a result. Lmao, this is probably the first time I likaire a straight pairing! And the first time I like female characters who aren't tsundere.

Hmmm, should I do something about my hair? It's all horrible and short now. Can't act shuai with it, haha. Yup, I'm in a fairly good mood :) Gotta find out where Xuri gets her fringe cut later. Bishie V-kei hair ftw!

2009-09-27T12:37:00.000-07:00

/rage

I have no fucking idea how to do geog. As in, I'm really blank and do not know what the blanks are supposed to be filled with. No fucking idea what the question is asking. It's not even like I don't have the information on hand; the other parts of the essay do not really indicate what I'm supposed to fill in.
Fml rly.

Oh and I just blanked out while doing econs. Srsly tired.

2009-09-27T10:14:00.001-07:00

Fuckkkkkkk.
Remind me again why I'm in jc?
And why on earth am I in arts stream? /am obviously not creative

I should just die.

2009-09-27T07:16:00.000-07:00

Oh wow I just tio shocked while flipping through the oct issue of s cawaii. Ya ya I should be studying but still..

HOMG dong bang shin ki!!! <3

Things I really want to accomplish by the time I'm 20.

2009-09-26T05:22:00.000-07:00

1. Be able to design really pretty clothes, and have the capabilities to produce them.

2. Be able to play the harmonica really well.

3. Learn how to sing! :)

4. Learn how to play drums.

5. Be a good props maker.

6. Learn how to manage my finances properly.

7. Be enrolled in a reputable fashion or architecture course in a respectable university.

8. Cultivate a bishie aura.

Number 8 is a joke.

Looks like I have so much more to continue walking on for.

oAo

2009-09-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

Kanda.
Alto.
Tokiya.
Zhou Yu.

Remind me not to attempt Gakupo. To think I once swore never to cos long haired characters again. OTL

Oh, and Okita Souji from Peacemaker Kurogane.
lmao, all same type.

/head desks

2009-09-25T02:42:00.000-07:00

True insanity begins when you start believing your own lies.

2009-09-24T23:16:00.000-07:00

kaen says oAo does not constitute a blog post.

eh, how about OTL?

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

2009-09-23T11:42:00.000-07:00

Okay drama over. veh good veh good. I still maintain that personal stuff shouldn't be mixed with work affairs, and that honestly, I treated her as an adult and naturally, I expected the responsible kind of behaviour that adults should have. And adults DO NOT just throw their work aside and go MIA just because of personal matters. Personally I've had my parental units malfunction before, and I make sure, no matter how hard, that the people I was supposed to meet were duly informed of the event and that they send me a confirmation msg or smth. Well, those people in the office who shirk responsibilities are not adults. They're little fuckers who do not deserve to live. Okay la abit harsh but, nb, just look at the government. Hoho, intellectual chats at 4am with a friend from the elite does that to you.

So drama's over. I think we've all agreed to put this behind us. Just.. learn to be more responsible and more of an adult from now on.

Immaturity

2009-09-23T04:14:00.001-07:00

Hey you know what? If you promised someone you'd do something, then you jolly well accomplish it instead of cooking up half-fucked excuses. Don't expect us to pity you when it's so obvious that it's a lie. Work is work. Let's all keep personal and work affairs apart, shall we. No matter what you have against some of us, can you please don't bring them into your work? Be professional, please. Do your work well and we will of course respect you.

Headache man

2009-09-22T15:48:00.001-07:00

AHHHHHHH headache! Hahah I knew Gazette's song title would come in handy some day.
Spent the day reading petshop of horrors manga and I must say it's really really awesome! Can't wait for the fox's appearance.

Spent the last three days cosplaying, and it has been a really fun experience! I got to meet new people and of course, people whom I haven't met for awhile.
To Crimmy and Hal, thanks for letting me join your team even though I was a last minute thingum, and for helping me in more ways than I can count, not just for the cosplay (like lending me the boots and belt, helping me with the fake blood, stigma, hair, posing etc etc) but also for encouraging me when I was about to emo. Special thanks to Hal for advice on college matters and tips on how to make props! And also for... Heh heh :D I will do my best and not let you down!

The second day was abit :/ because I overslept due to last minute alterations of the exorcist coat. Hmm, it wasn't as fun as the first day, mostly because a few unhappy things happened and because I simply could not meet the standard I set myself. I really feel like I've let people down and was an eyesore. I mean, who likes to see Kanda screwed up by a piece of noobshit? Sorry if I scared anyone with my emotional outburst towards the end of the day. Gonna repair the mugen asap! (thanks Hal, for the insulation tape tip!)

Anyway, there seems to be a political storm brewing over our favourite kopitiam, and it's becoming a real headache, especially for bystanders like us who do not want to be involved. I'll make it clear here: as long as you do not offend me severely, I will tolerate it, whatever it takes to keep the peace. Also, I don't care if person A hates person B, and both are my friends. I will not choose to stay away from B just because A hates B. Okay? Also, even if I think that C's actions towards D was wrong, I will NOT condemn or blame anyone because that is his/her choice, and I am not fit to judge anyone. Hi Switzerland-san, do you want to take me as your disciple?
I am not directly involved in any of this Shit but really, cosplay is meant to be enjoyable and fun. Really wish that their problems can be sorted out soon and then we can play together again! Yea I know, I'm childish and simplistic.

Madness.

2009-09-18T12:41:00.000-07:00

Haha I've never done something so crazy before.
Going straight to pitb to buy a mugen after geog paper.
Furiously calling people living near fajar to help me buy contacts.
Spontaneously deciding to rot in starbucks with a bestie.
Buying a top without a second thought.
Buying a pair of lenses without thinking either.
Almost wearing someone else's contacts.
Staying up late to do props.
Forgetting to it (the horrors!) because of the mad rush.

This is life, and I think I'm starting to love it. Can't wait to meet my friends in a few hours' time. Crimson, melo, derence, sd, chika.. Not sure who's going actually. Kaen may not be going *sad face* and derence is going on sunday I think. Oh! Strawberry may be going! <3 miss her loads. WOOHOO~ can't wait to see everybody! Even though I'm nervous about my cosplay and my stomach hurts like fuck because I drank a venti chai frappe with whipped cream. And koped doughnut's green tea frappe. I know, I deserve it Hahah. Damn sad la don't laugh already. Okay gonna try to shit everything out asap bye~

xoxo~<3

NUTS AND BOLTS

2009-09-17T14:50:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I have this really irrational fear of swallowing my retainers in my sleep. I swear I've gone nuts, seriously. Must be the sudden influx and overload of information aka mugging.
Anyway, everyone and their mothers know that I keep playing with my retainers and often get scolded by a certain red-haired youth ('see la, tell you not to play with it le'). Maybe I should really listen to her, hoho. I'm a disobedient child wtf. *yawns*
Bye~

2009-09-16T17:36:00.001-07:00

oAo

2009-09-16T17:35:00.001-07:00

Oh Ford. Feeling damn shitty now. Trying to keep my food down and all that. Didn't sleep last night cause my stomach was hurting too much. :/ looks like I haven't recovered! Disgusting, cause I thought I was well again. D: cheat my feelings Hahahah. Nonsense.

2009-09-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

短发的日子还真难过~
好希望头发快点长长！
*泣*
街上的漂亮美媚们都是长发的… *悲*
难道噢又得去接发吗？妈妈会骂吧… 烦死了)：

Closing down of Sgcafe

2009-09-14T12:33:00.001-07:00

My heart totally went cold 5 minutes ago, when I read Diana's dA journal. I kept wishing it wasn't true, while waiting for the thread to load. It's official. If no one buys sgcafe over soon, kenshin will close it down at the end of this year. 3 years is not a short time; many of us have spent more than 3 years on that forum. Flame wars, random spams, epic fangirling.. These are the things I do almost everyday on that forum, and I'm sure I speak for others out there as well (uh, exclude the flame war part please). Sgcafe cultivated my taste for visual kei, for the various subcultures, expanded my horizons and also taught me to never back down and compromise what I believe in (hence the flame wars, lol. Ok la not so drama). It's also where I got to know so many wonderful people, awesome cosplayers, imba photogs.. I wonder what life will be like without this forum. Please let kenshin strike lottery or smth, kthxbai.
Argh, heart pain. Wonder if we can do something to help sustain the forum. :/ I know z-degrees always lobbies for donations every month, and they have to hit a target or something. But then again, singaporeans so giam, dunno if they will donate or not leh wtf wtf. okay, I'm so agitated that I'm slipping into Singlish. /kills self.

2009-09-13T13:01:00.001-07:00

Hi, I'm a kaito whore prz.
Black rock shooter, get!

black rock shooter

2009-09-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

Gyudon!

2009-09-10T13:39:00.001-07:00

Reading a cookbook for Gyudon/ yakinikudon now.
/le drool
Ok someone please just kill me now.
看起来还真美味！

Be happy!

2009-09-09T13:46:00.001-07:00

There's no need to appear sad in front of others. Depressing thoughts can just stay in this blog and die a premature death XD
I guess being out with friends really cheers me up. I have to stop moping around alone!

2009-09-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

HI. needa say smth siet buay ba but who cares.
I FEEL FUCKING HONOURED AND HAPPY WHEN PPL LIKE MY COSPLAY AND ADD IT TO THEIR FAVES OR COLLECTIONS.
there, i said it.
do i sound like an attention whore?
maybe lor.
who cares.
LOL!
thanks bye wtf.

2009-09-05T16:39:00.001-07:00

The room is still so dark even though it's 7 something in the morning for God's sake. =_= what can I say, awesome curtains?
Ah, lauren is half sleeping on me OTL well at least it's a source of warmth lol
Dear God, please let the happy people hurry up and wake up then I can go sleep. Meanwhile, I'm gonna wash up.

Rage!

2009-09-03T11:32:00.001-07:00

I really detest people who treat death lightly.
Apparently someone left a newborn at my estate. Bloody fuck. If you aren't ready for motherhood, don't fucking bring the child to full term and then abandon him. Hello, he's human too, in case you didn't realise. Ditto for irresponsible parents who neglect their children. Money doesn't solve everything. Your kids need love and attention too. The new and shiny gundam over there doesn't provide all that.

And I hate people who commit suicide just like that.
You say no one cares about you, but in reality we do. Even if grief has blinded you, why can't you try and see the consequence of your actions?

Sometimes I really hate myself.

Nightmares and dreamscapes

2009-09-03T03:51:00.000-07:00

Oh my god.
I just had a dream in which everyone in my class hates me and they plot to 'sabo' me. For some reason, faustine makes an appearance and she has a booked published. Somewhere along the way I was arguing with her critic who panned her work, and for some reason the critic was also a prata man in the food court, where my dream took place. Oh and someone in my class colluded with that critic to give me hell. (okay la I'm insecure even in my dreams, lol)
Then, the scene cut to my house, where shermaine and chang were. Lol dunno why. But basically I had a dream argument with Kaenda and stuff, and chang just looked on. Then I cried and woke up with a stiff neck.
Haha cheryl wasn't there, which is a good thing, because I may cry even more if she tells me she hates me! Lololol ah what the hello is wrong with me.

2009-08-30T07:34:00.000-07:00

AHHHH~
*abrupt scream of frustration*
Lol relax I'm not trying to sing love is war.
Le sigh just looking at the back log of work and stuff I have to catch up on and revise is really enough to make a tsundere samurai hold his head in despair.
*holds megaphone and yells into it*
BAKA DA NA, ORE WA~!
*coughs*
lol.
Took a not so relaxing break just now when I began to note down the items that are not yet done for my cosplays. D:
I REALLY SHOULD STOP JOINING TEAMS.
It almost feels like I'm biting off more than what I can chew.
D:

Fangirl mode: ON!

2009-08-29T04:40:00.001-07:00

Hibiki!!!
How can anyone be so hot? Huh? Huh?
*prods random passer bys violently*
YOU TELL ME!
RPB: oAo my arm... *cowers in fear*
Me: who cares about your arm! You better tell me why Hibiki is so hot!
RPB: TT_TT

Kyaaaaaaaaaa~
*goes off to bash kaito*

2009-08-27T00:40:00.000-07:00

If only I can cut and bleed it all away.

surface tension of a water droplet.

2009-08-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

There's so much I want to say, yet I can't. I want to be truthful.
In the end, I am still a hypocrite. I am still a liar.
Because I pretend to be happy. I pretend to be unaffected.
I demanded honesty from others, yet I can't do that myself (oh well at least I don't go around telling tales.)
Any idea how frustrating that is? Yeah. You know right.

Ah well, today I managed to be a little more honest and open. I wrote it down and said part of what I felt. Of course I self edited the more vicious stuff that ran through my head because they were completely unnecessary and hurtful.
God, my heart and mind is tainted. D:
*shoos evil thoughts away*
NO MORE~ AVAUNT AND QUIT MY SIGHT~ hahahah
I'm thankful for your tolerance, for being so easy-going and stuff.
Hahah if you're reading this, SORRY FOR BEING SO SNAPPISH AND STUFF! love you 1314 hahahah!

Ewww.

2009-08-24T20:04:00.001-07:00

Dear God,
please let stupidity, idiocy, and a tendency to blindsight all that makes sense STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.

Eww. Stop yapping like a dog.

2009-08-23T00:13:00.000-07:00

THIS.
*hugs tightly*
Kyaaaaaaaaaa~~~<333

2009-08-19T22:24:00.001-07:00

This is the reason why I still bother to live.

2009-08-19T16:04:00.000-07:00

It's the hungry ghost festival again.
Why is it a festival? Isn't 'festival' supposed to refer to happy events where people make merry... Oh wait I see. Ghost. Not human. oAo.
It's a very lehchey time leh. many parents will forbid their children from staying out too late. I remember something about bringing in laundry before the sun sets?
Being paranoid this morning. For example, I start having thoughts like 'why are the people on the train standing so far from me? Are there people I can't see?'
stuff like that. oAo
Ok very random sleep deprived paranoid post. Bye.

stress?!

2009-08-18T22:53:00.000-07:00

Ogay I just randomly googled my symptoms. Nausea vomiting abnormal bowel movements abdominal pains. Guess what came up?
Stress.
Apparently it weakens the immune system, as well as contribute to acid reflux. Ogay cool.
oAo if this is not stress, I dunno what it is. *stabs self*
I have to learn to keep it under control.

Edit:
Knn my throat hurts. Acid + sore throat = win.

Edit 2:
miss school = lag behind = extra work = more stress = more health shit = miss school = lag..
ogay you get teh idea.

Edit 3:
Posting via email is fun. Stomach feels weird still.

Edit 4:
Uh. I feel real strange.

Nausea

2009-08-18T12:42:00.001-07:00

Title says it all.
I feel like shit.
Lit still not completed. Damn you, paper 4.
I need to puke again, for the third time in half an hour.
Truly, I've outdone myself.
Good job, soldier!

Decadence.

2009-08-18T10:30:00.001-07:00

WANTS:
Kuro vol 7 (ya la the newest one)
The extra kuro volume with the chibis on the cover. HOMG sebby. Chibi. AHHHH.
Neo genesis, the recent one with a9 on the cover. Needs.
Kuro art books. I think there are two. So yes, I want them both.

God I can't sleep with so many hot men in my boarding house.

PROCRASTINATION KILLS, BABY.

2009-08-18T10:17:00.001-07:00

Ogay baby.
Luka is pretty much confirmed. Will start with the costume aft tokiya's stuff is done. Her costume is pretty simple, thank god, sincerely.
Freaking big headache and weird gastric stuff going on now. God. Two tests tmr, one crappy lit essay to redo, one econs to improve on as well. The econs one, I really got nth to say. Lit, well. Procrastination kills.
Ogay I really have got to stop doing substandard stuff.
Blooming headache. Shall go lie down and see how. Please just kill me now. Maybe not. Please get asher to roll me now. That'll make me forget my stress.
Muthafucker why I waste my time like that, doing unproductive stuff.

2009-08-18T05:33:00.000-07:00

you know, strangely, i don't feel the least bit happy after cutting my hair.
first time in my life, im mourning the loss of my long hair. DDDDDDDDDDDD;
so no pics until i feel better about it. SHIT.

mirror, mirror, on the wall.

2009-08-18T01:59:00.000-07:00

huh.
I'm still hung up over that incident.
To me, it's not so much a matter of dishonesty as hypocrisy.
I mind being lied to. Who doesn't? But sometimes, it's done with our welfare in mind.
That, we have no choice but to learn to accept it.
And quietly give thanks to the person who is trying to help you.
Hypocrisy, on the other hand, is something I absolutely cannot tolerate.
She obviously prides herself as being someone reliable, someone to be trusted, someone courageous.
To see that person fall from grace in my eyes, just because of cowardice, disgusts me more than anything.
Those were the reasons why I shed those tears.
Outrage, anger.
Because I simply cannot believe that someone so nice in my eyes, someone I trusted so much as a superior, someone I looked up to, could actually do this.
I used to respect her so much.
Guess that explains my irrational reaction.
Damn.
I really need to control myself.
Stop getting hurt.
And stop hurting people unintentionally.
I need to stop being a kid. Stop being so naive, so idealistic. So vulnerable, so raw, so open.
Most of all, I need to stop being rash.

OHAY KAEN IM REFLECTING TOO HAHAHAH. *brings out wall-sized mirror*
TADA~

2009-08-14T19:30:00.001-07:00

Hurr.
Just because society is like that doesn't mean that I have to like or tolerate it.
Imagine having to spend the next 60 years of my life rubbing shoulders with scum like her. Oh God I'd rather die. Kaen says if that's the case, everyone will be killing themselves. Oh well great, go ahead and die kids. Not my problem, see you in hell, baby.

if you didn't realise, my anger is NOT directed towards kaen. This PSA is for all stupid drama mongers and rumour spreaders. Stfu and gfto my blog kthxbai.

It's scary how I can't seem to stop my flow of malicious thoughts. Ok it's not that bad but involves putting the said hypocrite on my shitlist permanently and screwing up her life, not like I have the power nor influence to do so, unlike what <i>some people</i> say /sarcasm .
Perhaps I should be apathetic. Makes my life easier.

Oh my the word 'apathetic' reminds me of Dawn somehow! hoho she said the new hair suits me, and that made me really happy. Tzuling said it makes me look japanese/korean and someone else agreed. (chang or jinghui?) cheered me up alot! Hahah I'm superficial like that sometimes. So vain right. Wait stop I don't wanna hear it hahahah. 'shut up! Stop bothering me!' herd mentality.
Okay I already have a hot lavi lava in my class, I don't need to fangirl over an ubermoe lolita in class too. Haha good if you know what I'm talking about! Lalala so weird, fangirling over people in 'offline'(means non-cosplay or loli or ouji or vkei yada yada) mode.
Ok shall stop being weird. Bye!

2009-08-13T09:32:00.001-07:00

It may come as a surprise to many, but I actually enjoy volunteer work. Can't wait for exams to be over!

2009-08-11T12:33:00.001-07:00

Epicly embarrassing moment no.1:
Tzuling: Aww don't cry. You need tissues? *hands tissue over*
Ben: (in reference to his tears) It's coming out...
Me: *shocked* What's coming out?!
Ben: What do you want to come out? (sic)

Uh... It's only funny if you witnessed it first hand, because certain individuals suddenly acquired florid complexions. Ahem. Awkward~

Oh on a light note, my stomach ache is still going strong. My abdomen is insistent on growling at 3 minute intervals, to the tune of God save the Queen.
Of course I made up the part about the song. It rumbles to the tune of Sorry Sorry. No, really. I'm serious. Do I look like someone who would joke, honestly?
Okay back to work. *stabs econs notes*
Dammit I knew those were hocruxes. DDDDDDD8<
Now I have to clean the blood up. :/

2009-08-11T01:27:00.001-07:00

Quotable quotes:
'saikangs cannot peep at cosplayers during shoots. If not, they'll turn into fangirls and fangirls are useless.' - Kaen

more to be added later.

2009-08-11T00:27:00.001-07:00

Lately, I believe that if I ignore a problem for long enough, it will go away on it's on. Or more precisely, walk away.
Uh huh uh huh.

2009-08-10T09:12:00.001-07:00

Random post before I sleep. STT shoot was an eye opener for me. It's the first time I'm watching from the sidelines. Honestly, athensis and holydust are damn good. I hope to be as good as them one day! 3 years 3 years~ something to work towards to.
Mannnnnn finally saw diana today. Missed her! Boobies~ Heehee.
Tried to stay positive today and avoid things I can't handle. Like other people's emotional problems. I swear my eq is damn low and I suck at empathy. I do care, but sigh. Can't express it the right way. Nyahhhhhh. /rage
Ok fine. I love all my friends and I care, though you may not think so..
Ciao.

2009-08-04T00:48:00.001-07:00

Hurts so much.
It hurts to find out what you don't want to know.
It hurts to find out that your classmates are only tolerating you.
It hurts to realise that you are a bad influence on your classmates.
I feel so... betrayed.
Perhaps that isn't the best word to describe what I feel but it suffices.
I'd rather they tell me to shut the fuck up and stop disrupting them, instead of having to find out from a teacher.
It hurts so much; I really liked them. And started to trust them.
Perhaps I should return to my so-called shell.
I wouldn't have to keep up appearances then. Free to 'emo', so they say. Who gives a flying fuck anyway.
I know they don't.

2009-08-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

好累~
奇怪，昨天又没做什么…
只能怪自己身体差吧~
*趴在地上不动*
好闷~!!!!!!
今天的行程还真满 *冒汗*
我怎么还赖在这啊？？？

2009-08-01T06:41:00.000-07:00

Huh.
Still terribly moody.
Didn't manage to get anything done today so I guess tomorrow will be a 'mad chiong homework day'. Great.
I always procrastinate.
Posting from my phone again. Wonder what my bill will be like next month, lol.
Anyway, I've decided to cosplay mikagami tokiya from flame of recca.
Dunno which version to do so I'll start with the 'ensui', his sword, first.
For that I'll need a light blue acrylic board and the clay...what is it called again? For modelling and props.
Ah forget it, I know can liao, lol.
Might need wire or thick string for the handle details.
So, material shopping!!!
Hiban we go together ok~
Good guys must stick together lolol.
Need to ask my dad how to cut acrylic. I've seen him work with it before.
Can't wait to start!

Useless.

2009-08-01T02:16:00.000-07:00

I feel so fucking useless.
I know, I know, it's no use saying this. D told me, in Sec 4, to stop saying that I'm useless.
But that's a fact.
I can't help the people around me, the people whom I care for.
Heck, I can't even help myself.
I can't even offer comforting words.

Okay, must be my hormones screwing with my head. Sorry you had to read this. Not that anyone actually visits this place.

Fuck it.

2009-08-01T01:41:00.000-07:00

Woohoo~
Attempting to blog from my phone. All i need is to send an email to blogger and they will take care of the rest! Isn't it convenient? I strongly recommend it to people who are constantly on the move, yet want to document they lives. It's a little difficult trying to type on a small qwerty keyboard though i suppose i'll get used to it soon.
Cheers~

sacrifice, or not.

2009-07-26T06:57:00.000-07:00

I just read your blog, and honestly, your post made me feel a little weird.
But if my decision to stop it will bring you relief, then I will.
Because you mean way to much to me, as a friend.

2009-07-26T01:10:00.000-07:00

I feel absolutely like shit now.
need to control my emotions better.
and stop falling for people i shouldn't fall for.

oh argh. avg gave a false positive, which made me panic and delete itunes. FUCK YOU.

I am such a conflicted individual.

2009-07-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to see my counsellor.
Honestly, my teacher and him were shocked and worried by my choice to stay on.

And truthfully, I am worried too.
I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought I was being wise. I thought I was being matured.
But maybe, I am just too self-absorbed.
I don't know if I can make it through.
It's already taking its toll. You and I both know it.

I desperately need help. Just talking about it wouldn't solve problems. I wished someone would just take my troubles away.

After all, I am nothing but a kid..
who needs to cry it all out.

2009-07-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

I'm trying hard to finish D.Gray Man now!
I know this is probably a stupid move, seeing how A levels is this year and I shouldn't be bumming around anymore but....:/
ANYWAY!
I finished Misa's Deathnote today. It went pretty well, except for the mild hiccup when the white pen didn't work and I had to use liquid paper to fill in the letters on the cover.
HAHA do you know what I'm talking about? I bet I'm the only one who understands what I'm saying right now, which is absolute nonsense, lol.
I'm going to TP tomorrow~!
Might as well take the chance to look around and stuff :D
Cosfest coming this weekend! I'm cosplaying on both days, so please look forward to it ^^
oh right, nobody actually reads this space but still..
then again, since my readership is -9384598235709345, I can safely say here that...
I AM GOING TO COSPLAY A CERTAIN HOT AND SMEXY EXORCIST WHO EATS NOTHING BUT SOBA EVERYDAY~!
*cues abrupt ending*

oh the shock and horror when one realises the truth

2009-07-07T14:11:00.000-07:00

I just realised that my blog posts are riddled with spelling mistakes. NOT INTENTIONALLY.
like, I type "live" instead of "love".
As an English Lit student, I ought to be more careful with such stuff. Maybe I should go knock my head against the wall (and burn some calories :D )
Ah, I went to Uniqlo today. You know what? Uniqlo makes me feel fat. REAL FAT.
*wobbles jelly arms*
For the first time in my life, I HAVE TO WEAR A FREAKING SIZE L AND IT FITS ME LIKE A GLOVE. almost. not that tight but you get my drift.
DDDDDDDDDDDD:
all my life, I've equated size L to oversized tees and rappers.
DDDD:
okay, shall go wallow in self-pity.

WHY ARE ALL JAPANESE WOMEN SO PETITE????
MAD ENVIOUS!

regret eats you up from the inside.

2009-07-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

why on earth did i do that.
why did i decide to be responsible, to act like my age and be an adult?
argh.
i should have been childish, a little more selfish and more adamant about sticking to my original choice.
i should have been happy when my mom said she would let go, in front of Miss J and L.
i should have grabbed that chance and ran, not caring about the consequence.

and now, my choice burdens and pains me.
being an adult is really, really difficult.

what did i do that for.
DD:

EXAM WEEKKKK

2009-06-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

a final blog post before I step onto the path of now return.
OKAY NO NEED TO BE SO DRAMATIC LAH HAHAHAHAH
exam week starts now.
and i'm still blogging wtf. should be asleep lor.
finished printing my lit notes.
okay need to go read them.
wish me luck wtf

still rotting away

2009-06-27T03:15:00.000-07:00

OHOHO rutian just showed me a pic of micky at the airport. SHUAI SHUAI. and good, he dresses well. live guys who can dress well. (cue fangirling about jaejoong, hyunjoong, yunho etc. wdv)
slightly worried about my boots. will they arrive on time?
no la not cosplay stuff. i bought dr marten boots online. :DD
i have a tartan umbrella~ it's mega pretty to me at least. gonna wield it around like a crazed ahjumma!

oh. decided not to quit school in the end. mom put me on this whole guilt trip and told me to finish it for her sake. Honestly I don't see the point in it at all. Not going to study for mid-years.
srsly. Not my choice to stay.
You forced me.
Now see what you can do about it, because I don't give a damn.
And to you, Ben S., piss off.
You're a pain-in-the-butt.
Shoo.

at crossroads.

2009-06-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

x-posted to my LJ

there are so many things i want to do.
sewing, designing clothes makes me happy, even though right now, i suck at drafting patterns and drawing out the designs i want.
looking at pretty clothes on magazines and lookbook makes me really happy too.
but, could this be just another phase?
do i really know what i want?
while reading parakiss (hahaha of all the things i should be doing now), i had an epiphany.
sometimes, what you want isn't what you'll get.
if i successfully make it into fashion school, filled with hopes and ideals, chances are that i'll still end up having to compromise.
will i ever learn how to?
and even if i do make it into the school, will i adapt? is it really what i want? am i ready to move away from the status quo?
F, T, AJ came to my house today.
F said something about me gaining freedom in 5 months' time.
perhaps i should just complete my As, then go try for fashion school?
or should i just leave now and try to build up my portfolio, which could significantly improve my chances of getting in?
i realise i'm pretty much rambling.
oh wells.
school tmr.
i'm going to ask about the procedures for withdrawal from exams.
wish me luck.

after a long hiatus....

2009-06-17T22:36:00.001-07:00

ohai thar!
ahahaha don't mind me, I'm just being retarded as usual.
went to watch blood: the last vampire with huimin yesterday! <3
ah but too bad she had to leave for her cca.
AGAIN!
grrrrrrr.
the movie was actually unexpectedly enjoyable, contrary to what most of the movie reviews have been saying.
well, i guess if you treat it as an anime, it's quite cool. eh come on, the blood looks like jello lor!
AND HOR AND HOR I'M VERY BUAY SONG CAUSE THE GUY AT THE BOX OFFICE NEVER CHECK OUR ID. WE VERY CAO LAO MEH?!
wdv.
OH!
I watched Dance Subaru with WBD. 6 bucks for ten seconds of DBSK. OKAY.
note to self: must sit very close to the screen next time when watching a movie with a bishie i like. :DD
SO HAPPY.

lately, I've been stuck on BOF fandom. I know, very late hor! BOF ended like 9342858927345928374 years ago and I'm only watching it now. bo bian ma, now holidays then can watch. ahem. ya i never study at all. :/
okay better quickly log off...
or maybe i'll just take a leeetle peek at www.lookbook.nu
ahaha i'm the queen of procrastination.
oh i realised i earned like forty cents from the ad on my blog. people please click on the nuffnang ad leh. I'm poor. DD:
AHAHAHAH. no I'm serious about the ad.

2009-05-29T02:04:00.000-07:00

OMFG.
please don't do this to me.
I cannot afford to repeat my JC2 year.
I simply cannot adapt.
The syllabus is different!
fuck.
I'm so stressed right now, body's giving me problems again.
desperately needs to cry now.

2009-05-27T08:23:00.000-07:00

saving up for a sewing machine!
but where to put it...???

2009-05-26T06:53:00.000-07:00

i'm so happy because you were there for me.
finally, someone knows.
i know this might sound weird to you but really, the conversation just now helped me a lot.

I LOVE MY B.BFF! hahahahaha (;
you know who you are
xoxo
s

GASPARD ULLIEL MADNESS

2009-05-26T05:47:00.000-07:00

right now, i'm so crazy over gaspard ulliel it's not even funny.
like, how long has it been since i've been so enamoured? no, dbsk is an ongoing affair so it doesn't count ^^
chace crawford was a "oh he's cute" thing but gaspard ulliel is...mind blowing.
HELLO IM ALREADY 18; I SHOULD STOP ACTING LIKE A YOUNG TEENAGE FANGIRL!
sigh it's not working.

2009-05-25T07:30:00.000-07:00

great quotes day:
“I sat through Twilight and all I got was this tub of glitter.”

2009-05-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

NOISY.
NOISY.
NOISY.
i cannot concentrate on my work.
FUCK THIS SHIT.

2009-05-14T10:11:00.000-07:00

Today was another frantic day spent trying to escape the sun (*sheepish smile*) and generally attempting to survive the day.
School is really...
Lately, my temper has been very bad.
Maybe cos im not well fed.
OH GOSH IT"S A COUPLET.
reading up on geog now.
going to do my backlog of homework, hope i can clear it up soon.
>.>

2009-05-10T02:25:00.000-07:00

im so excited!
hahahaha don;t tell you why!
yea im doing this just to annoy you. :D